depends on the nature of the beast. if it's something or someone I need to deal with them I will work on acceptance and understanding...if it's a destructive force trying to come into my life I stonewall. I am hard core about not allowing destructive people/stuff into my life. Sometimes it takes both...accepting and understanding...and stonewalling. Like someone you love who is an alcoholic. You can accept, you can understand..but in the end you have to keep them from your life if it is in any way possible while they are drinking and being destructive. at least that is how I see things.

I think you may have that usage backwards. if she's hiding from you, then you are the bete noire, I think.

If you're asking whether I have someone I hide from, then yes, I have a few. What I'm doing about it is basically nothing. In all cases, I'm hiding because I don't want to become visible or to attract that person's attention, usually because I perceive them to be a bully and avoiding their attention is one of the most empowering ways I know to deal with them. And if I'm going to make myself visible, if there's something I need to do that brings me into their realm of attention, then I tend to collect witnesses for the effort. Bullies tend to do their thing primarily for a sort of audience and if the audience isn't supportive, then they generally keep to themselves.

And if they don't, then I'm in a much better position to deal with whatever abuse does arise.

IMO, what turns someone from being a simple avoidance scenario into a bete noire is when I start projecting stuff onto them that doesn't necessarily belong to them. That happens _to_ me a lot, often on a large social scale, and I don't much care for it. So when I start doing it, I at least try to be aware that what I'm reacting to isn't strictly the person themselves, but potentially other stuff I've projected as well. And I may have one of those in my life - I'm not sure anymore as I haven't had any cause to interact with them in years.

My ex Jeremi and I were involved for 6 months, dating for 3. I broke up with him because I wasn't ready for a serious relationship, especially not with someone like himself. He had completely changed how he treated me within the 3 months that we were dating, and it was because he wasn't willing to be honest to my face. I thought it would be pretty simple just to tell him I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship with him anymore and we could both be adult about it and move on, but he fought, and whined, and bitched to all his friends about how horrible a person I am and that I hurt him so bad. I got death threats through MySpace and constant hate mail from both him and his ex, V.

I dealt with that for a while, and admittedly indulged in stirring the pot a bit, but things finally settled down and I THOUGHT it was all over. He was still being petty about things, but at least we weren't talking anymore so I didn't have to put up with it. I went to the mall, and he happens to work at one of my favorite stores. My current boyfriend Dante wanted to talk to Jeremi and make sure that there isn't any bad blood between them so he wouldn't have to worry about bullshit going down if he wanted to shop in said store. I walked in with him and browsed in the back while the two talked. Jeremi's manager then tells Dante to get me out of the store before she has to ask me herself. We leave to avoid conflict, and then see the head of security because she had no good reason to throw us out. While we were meeting with the head of mall security, Jeremi leaves me a vulgar message on my voice-mail asking me what I was thinking, telling me to stay out of the store and leave him alone.

Supposedly Jeremi never asked his manager to keep me out of the store. He says Veronica hates me because I would distract him at work while we were going out, but I would never see him at work. Besides, if that were the real problem, I obviously won't be distracting him now...

So now I have to travel 30 miles to shop at that particular store because Jeremi's such a whiny bitch that he has to turn all his friends against me, and then can't pull the stick back out of their asses so I can go on living my life the way it was before I got myself into this fucking mess.

Jeremi is quite the bete noire.