If only that were a question.

Sew I only halve two choices? I am grateful for what I halve, and I halve a lot.

1) I grow up in a 2 parent home, financially great, small town, sheltered. Nothing really happens to me , nothing great, nothing terrible. I float through life pretty unmolested. I am content, I am loved and supported. And I have no depth, no intimacy. No haedache, no triumph. We all have parents. I have loves, friends. I have good and superficial relationships . I have a good job. I don't love the job and I pay the bills. I have no artistic desires . Basically I wake up fine and go to bed fine with no bumps in the road.

2) I have a dysfunctional family. I have to take a lot of time and effort to overcome myself. I struggle with addictions, depression, etc..
I yearn for connection and get upset when I can't have my connection with myself. I am content seldom and passionately angry, sad, joyful, honest the other times. I love life and I die. I travel, I create artistically. I am the high highs and low lows. I gain some perspective, I gain some depth. I live like today is my last day and wake up the next day and regret and forget about yesterday. I have no idea where I am going to lead myself and I am pretty sure I am going to be interesting. I think deeply and I love deeply and I am physical and emotional. Okay, I am a lot of the time.

Do we even have a choice about these things?

No. Only in my response do I get to make a choice. And, my choice is to watch. And breathe.

Are our paths in life decided before we are born?

Do we get to change ourselves mid-stream?

To Be or not to BE, that is a question?

Be and be well,
Mark

I would choose exactly the life I've had. It was a mix of those, though I have never wanted to die.

I think the trick to life is to figure out what is us...and what is what we do. Because I think most pain comes from trying to change who we are...or feeling helpess to change what we do. I totally believe that no matter how hard we try we can never change our basic nature and that no matter how old we are we can change how we do things and shift our whole lives.

Aschleigh,
It strikes me that this in an incredibly narrow view of the nurture and results question. Not everyone who grows up in a 2 parent family is simple and bored and missing life. Not everyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family is shiftless and unable to enjoy life. You can be in either familial situation and end up like either of those. You can also be in either of those situations and grow up happy, alive, and thriving in life.

There are infinite choices and we as young adults and adults make choices that lead us in that direction.

For myself it was in fact my dysfunctional family dynamic that gave me the skills and abilities to become happy and thriving in life today.

I am neither of those choices.

something in me, something that i think existed before i was born, chose the latter path...
something at the core of my being was not ready or willing to live a mundane life.
there was something more for me to learn, to experience, to feel, to express,
and it wasnt going to happen in a small town, secure, with nothing to challenge me...
so my path has been much more diverse, lots of ups and downs, lots of wandering around the countryside,
nurturing hurts, poking around, rising from numerous ashes, seeking something more...
and all in all...
i wouldnt have it any other way...

"So you have two choices:"

I reject 'em. Neither sounds very healthy anyway. I choose "C".

"Do we even have a choice about these things?"

Of course.

"Are our paths in life decided before we are born?"

Depends on who you ask. If they aren't, then we captain our own ship. If they are, then it's beyond our ken anyway. I think it's wisest to not try applying the Anthropic Principle to micromanaging the live of one human being. 8)

"Do we get to change them mid-stream?"

Only if your answer to that question is "well, of course". Otherwise, no. ;)

Hamlet, Act Three, Scene One!

As regards your description, I don't think it's quite fair, because I must take liberally from both categories to properly represent my own life. Consider:

I grew up in a two-parent household in a comparatively small town, but plenty happened to me. I made my own choices, had to deal with bullies, tragedies, accidents (both fatal and injurious), heartaches, etc. I became emotional, poetic, creative, and capable of great depths, had good friends, had throbbing love affairs, fine relationships, and am personally capable of deep passions. I awaken each morning on a firm mattress ready to seize the day.

To be or not to be? That is the question, indeed!

However, take heart in what Shakespeare wrote directly after that immortal line:

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"

Nothing is gained without risk. Only by taking a risk in a noble cause can we achieve something. And stepping out our front door to make our destiny everyday counts as a noble cause. At least in my book...!

it certainly is a very limited choice, since most lives are more complex (and most families are dysfunctional anyway). and i have a feeling that option one is rather a myth, too.

but...

given the choice between a peaceful and uneventful life with no passion or creativity, and one that is more precarious but has more excitement, i have to say i go with the second choice... in fact, i left a life that resembled the first choice a number of years ago because one day i realized it simply was not enough.

i want adventure. i want passion. and i know that i am willing to risk the low-lows to experience the high-highs. as i age, i am more in search of peace and tranquility, but that is not the same as boredom. i have no interest in superficial relationships, but i no longer make room in my life for relationships with drama, either.

and you ask if our lives are decided before birth? of course not. you have choices, you have free will. you may have certain things to work with, but you always are able to make new choices and change directions. thank god, it's what has made my life so amazingly kick-ass so far, and it really is only getting better.