Yes and no.

One of the most horrible ways to torture a human being is to make them choose between two horrors, thus giving them some sense of "responsibility" I think a good example of this is in "Sophie's Choice" where the mother has to choose which child will live, or have both of them shot. That's an extreme situation, but there are many less extreme examples. In one sense, it may be the will of the individual. Let's say someone who "chooses" to work in an aluminum factory and run the risk of getting poisoned rather than being homeless (assuming in my example that's the only job available).

But relationships are really a very different scenario in my opinion. How often do our choices in relationships reflect survival type issues?

I'm not sure if we ever do things against our will...though I'm pretty sure without much thought that it doesn't happen very often if it does. But what I am sure of is that we act against ourselves all the time.Not all of us, some of us act against ourselves much less. Now that I mention it I think that is my measure of healthiness...how often does someone act against themselves? If we bring into that the assumption that people do not make decisions against their will then it makes the question of why we act against ourselves so often even more disturbing to me.

Excellent question and responses.

I am struggling with this question of will. And, I've found some other words to express will. Is it only an act? Do we really make choices? I think we choose our response. I am not sure about fate. This is what I am struggling with. Are we able to change fate? Perhaps?!? And, I don't particular like the word fate, perhaps destiny, and even predestiny. I think I am changing things and kharma usually comes to pay a visit, sometimes not, sometimes I am not a path. The path I will is usually not the one I expected even if my path is going in the direction I willed. Intention might work better than will. Is there a difference between will and intent? I see that shit happens and there is very little I can do about it, however, my attitude, meta-view and the way I respond to such an event can help me to see that hey there is very little I can do about it now, and now I am watching. Ego wants. Ego tries to will. Mind will get in the way.

lots of words, watching,
Mark

"Is it possible to choose to act against your will?"

It's funny, but as I think about this, I think about how different ways our will manifests.

1. On the way to the restaurant for lunch with my buddies, I KNOW what I'm craving: fish and chips!

2. As we talk about the place, and compare it to others, I remember how much I like their chicken-fried steak, so THAT'S what I want!

3. We arrive and I smell bacon and I decide I must have the Hogmaster Breakfast!

4. We start looking over the menu and the pictures are boring, except for the steak. Man, THAT looks good. I'll have that!

5. We start comparing what we're ordering, and everyone's having breakfast things. Hm, I shift back to the chicken fried steak!

6. My wife nudges me in a subtle fashion to remind me that I'm trying to lay off the red meat. Oh yeah! Then I'll be having the chicken plate. That's what I want!

7. The waitress shows up and starts taking orders. What the hell? Everybody's changing their order?! I glance quickly through the menu and as she hits me, I decide I want the tilapia.

8. When the tilapia arrives, it's absolutely delicious.

So, the question is, did I act against my will in this scenario, or did my will just do a boogedy-dance the likes of which would put a jumping bean to shame?

<<We did what we wanted to do and we came up with justifications for it.>>

I think Edward's on to something but I don't think it is quite so clear cut as that. Yes, we make rationalizations every day. But that doesn't mean we rationalize everything away.

I don't think we simply come up with justifications. I think we walk around the issue and think about how we feel about it from a bunch of different perspectives and decide what we can live with and what we can't in that particular moment.

So Edward's restaurant example has a bunch of decisions about how he's feeling about his health at that moment, about his wife's opinion, about peer pressure. Is he just trying to figure out which way his will is leaning? He's not doing anything against his will in this case. But the case isn't particulalry critical.

There's some semantics involved in this: What, really, does "against your will" mean? If someone forces you (through some sort of coercion) to act against your will are you really acting against your will or changing your will because you want to avoid the bad stuff?

Regardless, being forced to act against your will naturally breeds anger and resentment.