women who say yes, but mean no

We have corresponded. I am very honest; I hope you sensed that.

I didn't explore in a way that would have revealed honesty or dishonesty in those who I was drawn to. I speak from my observations of people as a crowd, as a group. It is more general observation. For example, last night my friend Adrian proposed going to a bar after we had seen Anoushka Shankar perform. Once upon a time, I found bars to be very interesting places full of opportunities. This interest lessened over time as I observed more closely how people tend to act in bars, from the ones I wen to. Last night I entered the bar we went to with the beauty of Anoushka's music coursing through my veins and everything I saw was beautiful. I had a single martini. I made no proposals, none were offered to me. As the effect of the single martini I drank became more potent, as my *martini* goggles became stronger while observing behavior in this place, I saw less and less beauty there. I did not seek to see beauty nor ugliness. I was just there, drinking a martini with my friend, and I saw. I regret that I went there, and I realized I no longer enjoy the experience of being *intoxicated* like I once did. It can separate me from myself and those around me. I enjoy clarity much better now. When I returned home, my young cat Meka greeted me at the door. Suddenly, I saw beauty again. She is so beautiful because even when she annoys me or manipulates me, it is purely her nature and there is no dishonesty in it. By being a cat, she cannot be dishonest. She needs, she acts out of need. Very simple. Very direct. Very honest. I like cats very much, and now I like them better :)

Let me pose two questions to you. Why do you keep questioning what I say in the way you have done? Why won't you accept my answers for what they are?

got it, and thanks.

so does that mean that you still hold that it's a gender issue? that women have a different way of saying yes and meaning no than men do? i think that the gender is not really material in this kind of thing, but that pretending is a human behavior.

and i definitely think it's easier to learn to just write off people (of whatever gender) who don't do what they say they will as early as possible. life is soooooooooooo much better when those people can't gain a foothold on our time.

""Have a great day. It's okay to say no". I wonder what kind of responses you'd get?"

Yep, there's a fun bit by (I think) George Carlin about that.

HOW I tell people "It's okay to say no," really depends on the circumstances. When asking someone out, I am fairly lighthearted about it. When asking people to strip and cover themselves in gore so we can film a torture scene, I take them aside privately and make sure they acknowledge they can say no without undue influence by peer pressure or misguided desires to please me beyond their comfort level.