I just mentioned this phrase on the "choosing who is in your life thread" and it got me thinking.
I'm sure you all know the situation: you are out somewhere and you meet someone for the first time or run into an old acquaintance or old friend. And they say "we should really get together sometime". And you just know it isn't gonna click.
What do you do?
I'm sure you all know the situation: you are out somewhere and you meet someone for the first time or run into an old acquaintance or old friend. And they say "we should really get together sometime". And you just know it isn't gonna click.
What do you do?
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Canada
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Wed, February 28, 2007 - 9:11 PMi think we can be kind and still have boundaries yes?
i tell people, and it's true, that im just super busy.
heck i cant even see the people i do want to see half the time (not that i would say that necessarily : )
or i will offer the option of 'yea why dont you drop me an e-mail',
because maybe there's something there im not seeing...
people cross our paths for a reason. granted, that reason may be to practice boundaries,
but i'm always a little curious... -
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Wed, February 28, 2007 - 9:16 PMyeah, I can honestly say I don't have nearly enough time to get together with the people I already have relationships I want to nurture. So I do tell people to catch me online, and I have been surprised by the people who ended up being really significant in my life so I do have that in my mind alot of times. Though sometimes I do know I won't want someone in my life, I can't remember someone who has been in that catagory who I had to turn down really.
Maybe cause I go out so rarely? -
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Wed, February 28, 2007 - 9:37 PMThere's an old friend of mine who has recently gotten back in touch with me and she keeps telling me how important I am to her, but when she fell out of touch with me, she just disappeared. She has moved away from the area, is in Vegas now, but I will keep in contact with her via e-mail and when she comes to visit, I will see her, but we will definitely have to see how that goes.
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Wed, February 28, 2007 - 11:27 PMhonestly, i think this is one of those gray areas for me, and as i think about it, unless i really would be interested in getting together with them, my answers are usually deliberately vague.
i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, particularly since usually it's just a social nicety to say it on their part, and i'd rather play along with stuff like that then try to insert brutal honesty when it would serve no purpose.
the truth is that i spend a lot of time working or writing or just enjoying my own company, and even though i go out 2-3 nights a week, i don't do a lot of social stuff outside my world of electronic music and my few close friends. there is an extended circle who i've known a long time, who i might occasionally see at a party or group event, plus a circle of tribe friends who i do try to make time for, and i don't have time for much else right now.
if someone's just saying it as a social nicety, i'll just shine it on. if they mean it, and i'm not interested, i'll explain about my limited time.
at least i think so, i'm going to think about this one more.
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 8:56 AMHey Leslie! Yeah, I was wondering if it was a social nicety. Like "how are you? fine thanks".
I tend to play the "I'm awful busy"card too -- and there's a fair bit of truth in that. But I see it as being somewhat insincere too.
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 9:41 AMas I sit here feeling special, I'm thinking that this is a whole difference in some of us and most people and why I am so confused by when people seem to thank me for spending time with them...I'm like I wouldn't be here if I didn't really want to be or choose to be. But I guess that isn't how alot of people work. -
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 10:46 AMWhat's strange about that? Time's valuable, and when people choose to spend their valuable time with me, I'm grateful for the gift.
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 10:54 AMThat's interesting, because I do that a lot!
Mostly if I know someone is really busy or had rearranged their schedule for me, but there are a few people who, when I get to spend time with them, it's precious. Either because they are super busy, or that it's so few and far between.
It makes me feel special when they take that time. -
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 11:47 AMwell of course my time is valuable...and I do feel totally special when someone who is busy spends it with me...and I will have to watch if I thank people for spending time with me...I think I only do that if they thanked me and I say "no thank you!" I do thank people for traveling to spend time with me...but that feels different. The time it's self I figure I don't need more thanks then getting to spend that time with them. I wouldn't do it if I wasn't getting something from it. and I figure the same for them. -
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 1:45 PMto me, when i spend time with you, i am doing it because i want to, so i dont think you need to thank me for it... it's a two-way thing, isn't it? i hope so!
and i'm not sure i could be impeccably honest with most people - i get a lot (a whole lot) of people who say "hey, i want to come out dancing with you one night" or "let's have dinner and talk about my job search" or things that are really meant to be something that gets them what they want (like an introduction to my social circles or some free advice)...
if i told them the real truth, it would be hurtful and i really don't want to hurt someone's feelings... but the hard truth, as in "well, actually, i don't take people out dancing with me because i don't want to be responsible for anyone, but you can meet me there and say hi on the dance floor" or "sorry, i don't give free advice unless i think you are a stellar person i want to become real friends with" would and as rude, harsh and unnecessary... so i usually sidestep it by blowing off the question or just saying "sure, but i'm pretty busy so check back with me in a month or two " which really rarely will happen.
this does uncover one of those gray areas where, to me, the real truth is just more than is necessary. -
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Re: "We should get together some time" - NOT
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 2:23 PMWhat I normally end up saying, is something to the effect of...
"Yeah, that would be great, but Ive been crazy busy lately... so I dunno when it'll be."
That way, I make it clear that its not gonna be anytime soon... and yet am not outright rude to them.
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