Yesterday, I made a trip to town. Walking around the car-centric shopping malls, breathing in noxious fumes, watching people zip fractically every which way, my cynicism was brimming. I agreed to go to town, and I knew what I was getting into. Yesterday, amongst not accepting other people and not accepting my circumstances, I was quite happy to be cynical. My cynicism was my serenity, my escape. My cyncism is not me, I wasn't being as radically honest as I wanted to be in the moment. I was laughing, and making my own commentary. I do not accept the shopping world! I do not accept the "just gotta survive" mentality of people that continue to enslave themselves. I envision and usually live in a very different world.

I accept myself first, and I accept my situation -- I "own" my situation. This is all that I've got. Sometimes, this is a lonely place to me. Sometimes, I resign myself to solitude. I don't know what else to do (or not do.)

I am no longer accepting one-sided deals. I admit defeat and I resign myself to a life of misery because I am who and what makes me happy.

To put it simply:

Acceptance is when you realize you can't change things and so you try to make the most of it as best you can.
Admitting defeat is when you realize you can't change things and so you wallow in your self-pity hoping that eventually someone else will change them for you, or they will change on your own.

In acceptance, you are never defeated, because you bend yourself to the situation.
In admitting defeat, you are of course defeated, because you continue to consider yourself at war with what's going on.

um, ok, i think perhaps i have a different slant on the world, particularly in the department of cynicism. ouch, really, to me "resigning myself to a life of misery because that is who i am" is one of the most depressing things i've seen in a while.

peace and serenity in life begins by understanding the difference between you and the rest of the world, along with the connectedness of you and the rest of the world. it is my experience that cynicism and resignation occur when someone forgets that they are indeed part of the world around them, and/or when they have not yet learned that their experience of the world is *** entirely *** self-generated. ENTIRELY.

i see accepting how things are as the sign of a mature adult. that means -- in this moment, you accept that what is, simply is what is. your job, your spouse, your noisy neighbors, global warming, the aids epidemic, your bank balance, this is simply what is.

'what is' has no actual meaning until you give it one... and you can give it the meaning that works for you. unfortunately some people use their personal power to give it negative meaning, and to use the way things are as some kind of evidence that the world is a bad place, or other people are bad people, or an entire list of trumped-up meanings.

i prefer to be a little more selective, and a little more self-supportive than that. after all, my mission here on this planet is to find happiness and satisfaction in my life. that's it. that is my mission. and the way i do that is by looking for the things around me, and the things inside me, that give me that experience.

i'm really not so interested in making myself miserable. so when i go out and find myself downtown among a world of busy office workers in dark suits scrambling from their job to their commute with a preoccupied or disconnected look on their face, i don't let that affect me negatively... rather i find my personal gratitude that i no longer live that way, and then i shift my focus, and look for the signs that there is happiness all around me... and voila! once i begin to look, what do you know? it was there all along. for real.

and then i generate the inspiration within myself to make a postitive difference... few things are as inspiring to me in my business as a job-search coach than seeing the physical presence of people who are unhappy in their jobs. it doesn't have to be that way, and i have a way to help them... that right there shifts my experience from negative to one of possibilities.

my life is a series of choices about whether a situation, or a person, or an activity, works for me, gives me more happiness in my life. when it does, then i go for it. when it doesn't, i look and see if there is something inside myself that i can shift in order to get it to work for me and i shift that. usually that is simply my own attitude, but occasionally it is something ore drastic, like giving up a friend, or moving to a new place.

and if there is nothing i can do -- or more importantly, nothing i am willing to do -- then i accept how it is, and try to minimize its affect on me. for instance, i have had friends who i have lost because they began to use speed -- and once someone does that, there is not a whole hell of a lot anyone else can do. so in those cases, i chose to end our physical friendship, but to send them the love that i had for them in my thoughts instead. i have no interest in witnessing the spiraling down into despair of a speed freak. harsh? maybe. but true.

and i certainly will occasionally admit defeat -- but by that i mean that i occasionally do declare that i've done as much as i want to do or am able to do with a situation or a person -- but it is rarely negative. more often it is actually a statement of freedom and moving on. like when you realize your unworkable job isn't really going to change, so you stop fighting and find a new job that does.

and resigning myself to a life of misery?????? holy shit. i can't even imagine why anyone would think there is anything noble or positive in doing such a thing. our lives are entirely created by our choices... by who we choose to be around, where we choose to live, what we choose to do with our time. if you are miserable, then you need to examine your choices, and make some new ones that will bring you happiness.

sometimes (really mostly) that is as simple as choosing to give up the shield of being miserable and resigned, and to wake up and start actually living and creating your life again. sometimes it takes more drastic action, like getting the courage up to change jobs, to leave a bad marriage, to end a dysfunctional relationship with a family member.

but resignation and misery is the choice of weakness and cowardice and i honesty believe there are very few people who are truly weak or cowards. exhausted maybe. in the dark about how to actually affect change in their life, maybe. but "i resign myself to a life of misery" is a total absolute loser stance, and a self-fulfilling prophecy. why in the world would anyone every choose that?

we each have the power to create our experience of the world around us. use your power to bring yourself happiness and contenment, rather than to generate misery like some kind of defense.

i guess the short version of this is: if you are miserable, it is probably because you have a miserable attitude about something. shift your attitude, take on a positive perspective and things will change. and if you can't do that, then really, find a situation where you aren't miserable. because miserable is NEVER the right choice. EVER.

Acceptance refers to the experience of a situation or a person without an intention to change that situation.

Defeat means that you have already tried to change that situation or person and now realize that you can't.

Sadly, I was defeated by a past lover's bad habits. My ability to change her penchant for self-destruction was nil. However, I could not accept her for what she was because that meant embracing her course toward alcoholism and poverty. Therefore, I accepted that we could not be a couple, and ran for my life.

<<<what's the difference between the serenity of accepting people and circumstances for what they are and admitting defeat or resigning yourself to a life of misery? >>>

feels like these could even be different sides of the same coin. the difference is, we get to choose. without changing the outside situation at all, we can mourn what is not, or celebrate what is. we can trust that the universe is essentially for our good, or we can defend ourselves believing the world is out to get us. we can love, and unify, or we can judge, and separate.

defeat accompanies a fight. Acceptance avoids a fight. For example, I was sent to San Francisco from the Yoga Farm to work in the center here. I did not really want to come. I didn't feel up to it and it seemed like it might be the wrong thing to do. But rarely are things what they seem. Unless you are very wise, you cannot see all ends to an action, some of which may not manifest for years to come. Needless to say, I could have fought the decision, and if I had won, I still would have lost. I would have created discord and enmity with the people in charge, and with whoever would have been sent in my place. Rather I accepted the charge, the mission if you would, and thus earned respect, and found myself in a challenging situation, which, though difficult, is not miserable. The difference is attitude. Suppose I had fought and lost. Then I would have created discord and enmity and still been in this difficult situation, but with a much less receptive attitude. And things haven't been so bad here after all.

Defeat implies attachment to the result of one's actions and interactions. Acceptance implies detachment from the results. When I worked as a server in the kitchen at the Farm, I'd find myself getting attached to the idea of something being perfect (or what passes for perfect in my perception). As soon as I formed this attachment, I'd find myself stressing out to maintain or create this standard around me. This in turn stressed out everyone around me that didn't have this attachment or perception. Once I let it go, things flowed easier between me and those around me, and I found that what actually happened was not really any better or worse than what I wanted to happen. Just incomparable and different. Again, the reactions were much more pleasant and loving once I let go of thinking that my way was the right way.

Defeat comes from fear of loss. Acceptance comes the love of reception. Often I've found myself in situation where I though I might lose something that I thought I needed. When that happened, I'd feel my body and mind tense, and in the end, if I lost it, I'd feel defeated, like I'd lost a fight. The fear manifested and became an losing battle. However, when I've practiced acceptance, I've found that I have been given things spontaneously that I didn't even know I wanted or needed. By accepting myself as having what I need, and loving my current situation, that love manifested and became the next step or phase of need-satisfaction. While I was afraid of letting go of what I had, I was also implicitly afraid of receiving what the world had to give once I was emptied a bit. By releasing this fear, I became receptive to what the greater consciousness knew I needed, which was far more accurate than what I thought I needed.

Defeat is illusion. Acceptance is life. If you are defeated in this life, it is because you've accepted defeat, and those attitudes which lead to defeat. In reality, there is nothing in this world to defeat you but your own thought.