You are right, I am reflecting, and I wanted to check in with you. I appreciate you laughing and writing "i love my alone time/creative time actually." Being fully present means a lot by the postings written here.

I don't think of thinking as being fully present -- see, I am not fully present in writing this. I observe my thoughts, my busy ego mind, hypnotic stories, patterns of beauty and desire. I watch them and let them go.

in reflection and laughter,
mmphosis

well, yes, it is hard for many (most?) people to be present....and i feel like i CAN be present without worrying so much, but i do need to feel like i have stuff "on track" as well.....but in order for things to be "on track" that requires future thought which leads to not being present.lol.

lol
I think you are selfish in thinking that other people are honestly calling you "selfish" because you might be selfish in being fully present. And, I didn't recieve an answer, as yet, to my question about feeling guilt. Or, is it shame? What is stopping you from being selfish, Angel? Honestly?

(;
mmphosis

no, being present does not necessarily mean only thinking about yourself at all.

i can be completely present to the emotions of another person. i can be entirely present to the wind and the sky, with not awareness of me as separate from that at all. i can be present when i'm making love, about how my lover is feeling.

being present is having something feel like it is existing for you... right now... right here... it is all there is, and everything else is out of mind.

maybe we're talking about different things. it sounds like he wants to be present-oriented... which is different than being present. people who are watching tv are present-oriented, but they are not present, for instance. just because you're not thinking abou tht efuture or the past doesnt' mean you're truly expeirenceing the present.

and... semantics or not, i get that your real concern is that your guy prefers to go with the flow rather than make and respect plans, so you end up having to plan for both of you, and not knowing if he's going to want to do that when the time comes, or you make plans for yourself, and feel a little guilty about that.

i'd be frustrated too. i have had a relationship in my life recently with someone who seems pretty unable to do anything at a specific time, because there is no way to forecast his state of mind. other than getting on a plane at a designated time, he rarely does anything at a promised time, and any plans he makes are pretty much just a flimsy notion, and rarely come into existence.

personally, i think that when you live life totally in the flow, with no feeling that you have a choice and can set a course for what you want to do, you give up a lot of power. i'm not interested in that.

though we're all different. for instance, i leave monday for a month in thailand. thanks to the internet, i can make all of my plans in advance... and i have. i have hotels booked, flights booked, appointments of all sorts made, people contacted... i have a plan. and for me, that works very well, because as a solo traveler, it takes a lot of stress away from each day to now where i'm supposed to be.

of course, i know whre i'm going and what i really want to do there. but having my plans made has made me so much more peaceful than previous trips where i just arrived and had to walk around looking for where i wanted to stay, or decide when i wanted to go from one place to the next. i like it that way. other people may not.

it really sounds to me like he may have a confidence issue about making choices. and choosing to do nothing is a choice of its own, but you sure can't get much accomplished that way. and the kinds of things most of us like to do require at least a lttle planning... concert tickets, arrangements with friends, clases to take, it is a balance of thinking about what you want in your future, and taking the steps to have it there when you arrive.

instead of trying to make it be about something in his past, perhaps you might adopt the idea that this is what your primary wants in life, and perhaps what you're feeling is a little bit of resentment that you are less important to him than being present is. what do you hope to gain by trying to draw him into some imaginary future? in what way is making plans about the future a smarter move than adopting awareness and simply adapting to the needs of the moment? he adapts to your needs in the moment by not inhibiting your need to make plans, but it seems as if you're not adapting to the moment by allowing him and yourself to participate fully in it. the moment is an "it" of sorts. the future is not. the future is maya.