this is a hard one. Those things are really hard to see I think most of the time. I have noticed things alone the way. Some good, some I didn't like.

One big one was I made the realization that my mom had always made me feel like I was bothering her when I needed things. and that somehow to my deep horror I was mirroring that with my older son. I was exhausted and burned out and I have to accept that I can only do so much, but I realized that because I felt guilty I was all irratated about not being able to do more and I was showing him irratation when he asked for things. I don't want to do that. Yes occasionally he is going to drive me insane asking for things he needs to be doing for himself. But I do not ever want him to get the impression that him needing help or asking for help is putting me out. I want him to be in touch with his needs(and boy is he:o) and I want him to always feel like he can ask me for things...and I want to be able to be there when he needs me and I want to be able to calmly clearly tell him why I am not going to help if that is my answer. I want to be able to say "I'm sorry I have work right now, why don't you grab an orange and I'll come help you get lunch in a few min" as opposed to getting irratated. or "Sweetie you have to learn to tie your shoes on your own so I'm not going to do it for you, but if you bring me the knot I'll get that out and watch while you tie them"

I mimic my parents in good ways too. Honesty if very important to my mom, and my dad appreciates straightforwardness. I will have to think of more.

When I was a teen, I kept a running list of "things I will never do to my children". Some of them I've actually come to believe were a good thing, like Saturday housecleaning before any fun activities. Some of them I didn't understand then, I get now, and even though it does sort of suck the fun out of Christmas morning, I make everyone in the house get up and fully dressed before even going for the stockings. You know, so pictures are cute. If they're gonna be aiming the camera my way, I'm showering first, and the kids have to wait.

I notice that I spend more time listening, just like my dad. It use to bug me he would never state an opinion, but I realize now he didn't want to influence us, knowing what weight we gave to his words. And I find myself doing that now with my own children. "What do you think you should do?" when asked for advice. It's a hard balance, but mostly I tell them I have faith in their ability to figure things out. Even though it's completely clear to me, my job is to teach them, not to think for them.

The main way I see myself mimicing my mom is in her frugality. I don't buy stuff. I wait for things to be on sale. I rarely spend money on myself. I mean, I'm not cutting my own hair yet, but I've been known to make my own clothes. I'm gonna end up an old grandma grumbling about the price of electricity, I can tell.

Hmmm, that's a difficult one for me. My parents are polar opposites, which made rebellion difficult because in order to rebel against one I had to by necessity become more like the other. Their polarity lead me through a process of picking and choosing which lessons to learn from which parent. Yeah, I have some serious scarring from both of them, but even their scars are completely different. I desperately sought to avoid my mother's attention for fear of being subjected to one of her rages and desperately wished I meant enough to my father for him to have a fight with me. I realized very early that both of them were right about some things and both of them were wrong about some things but very rarely were they both right or wrong about the SAME things, I just had to figure out which things were which. So, yea, I exhibit some of the lessons my parents have taught me. I try to be fiscally responsible like my father but focus more on emotional happiness than financial success like my mother. I try to be in control of myself like my father but in touch with my feelings like my mother. I try to be creative like my mother but practical like my father. Enthusiastic like my mother but patient like my father. Their duality shaped my worldview drastically and I am very aware of it.

When I first found out I wasn't completely unlike my mother, it was when my ex pointed out that we make the same facial expression. Of course, I was unaware of this because I wasn't looking at myself. It really bothered me at the time, not so much now. I just couldn't believe i was like her at all. We are certainly different in most ways. She is willfully ignorant to support her religious beliefs and I have made it my personal mission to be as educated as I can stand being (before my brain explodes). I do get her blind rage on rare occasions and lose all prior rationality. I would not be a good president for this reason!

Most of the things I have noticed, I have inherited from my stepfather, who I seriously wanted to murder growing up. It's ironic that my desire to do well, to have high standards and to challenge myself and to be intelligent came from him. After all, I hated him back then. He was terribly abusive. He wanted to be a positive influence in the community and my mother followed suit. I feel like a waste of flesh if I don't give back. How could I not? It was part of what we learned as part of being a good person.

I did get my tenacity like my mother and my desire to be a domestic goddess (despite the fact that she has forgotten the look, smell and taste of fresh food).

What scares me is the sudden desire I have to emotionally resort to things that I can't explain but smack of my oppressive Christian upbringing. I would never go so far as to adopt an oppressive and subjective dogma, but the tiny little parents I my head have been talking way too much lately, I think. The scariest thing is the willingness to sabotage ones self for fear of success. Our family is so used to hardship, I find myself on the precipice before jumping into possible success and a complete and permanent change-- one I have been dreaming about my whole life-- and my fear is making me want to turn back. Why? There is no good reason other than that this is all I knew growing up. When opportunity knocked, my parents called the cops, maxxed out their credit cards and sent the dogs out to hunt.

i have mannerisms of my mother's that disturb me at times but then we wear them differently...she is far more likeable than i which is to her credit.

i am gaining a sense of humor, patience, and humility as pertains to the growing sense of shared traits i have with my mother.

Sure! Two days ago I was stretched out in my easy chair at about 4:00 PM, and suddenly fell asleep. My cell phone woke me up an hour and a half later. When I hung up the phone I realized that not only was I the vitim of an Afternoon Nap--the same kind my father has been taking for thirty years or so--but that like him, I had fallen asleep with my shoes on!

How do I feel about it? Well, at first I was horrified! I had always thought it ridiculous that my father would sleep with his shoes on; to my mind, if you're going to get comfortable, the first thing you should do is take your shoes off. Now, having been guilty of the same crime, my defense was that, A) my feet were warmer with the shoes on, and, B) the sleep came up and grabbed me before I could think about taking them off.

Upon reflection, the idea that I'm beginning to emulate my parents is not quite so terrible a thing. If I were acting differently than they do, it might lead to all sorts of strange questions....!

<Do you mimic your parents without realizing it? How do you feel about this?>

Unfortunately - yes, & mostly the negative too. I've become very much like my dad in that my mood will dictate the ambience of a lot of the places I frequent. I am concious of people having to tip-toe around me, like we had to with dad when we were kids in case we incurred his wrath.

Alternatively, as a reaction to my mother being a doormat - I have become exactly the opposite, to the point where I won;t let the smalles to f incursion pass without resolution....

Luckily - I didn't take on their way of loving each other, which was always backward and ungainly.

quel - I don't know if I'd say that I "mimic" my parents so much as I'm some sort of two-headed hybrid (though I look enough like my mom and grandmother that people remark upon it). Whether it's nature or nurture - I seem to have managed to get them both trapped within me and they're still at odds with each other! But seriously, while I do have versions of my parents that natter away at me internally, I tend to see it all a bit more as if we have a certain quality and we can then, if we're aware of it, choose to express them the same way our parent did or in our own (hopefully more constructive) way. I think one of the reasons it's important to forgive and find a way to love (even if at a distance) our parents since otherwise there'll be parts of ourselves we can't accept....and you know how it goes, you can't change what you refuse to see and accept. The only way not to turn into one's own mother is to accept that one IS and then start working with that to change the expression of the personality we inherited.

I think signs of my parents showing up in me is...let's just say it makes me smile. Good or bad, it's our gift of who we are.

For instance: My Dad has always been a vibrant, giving man but very controlling and judgemental to this day. Makes me crazy. My children say I'm just like him in other ways and that's ok...he's my Dad. No, I'm not judgemental, by far! And hopefully I don't try to control people. But I am strong in how I feel about things and want only the best for everyone, even my competitors. If they win, I win. You know?